My GF broke up with me on Sunday

"Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2" (pompei426) 07/23/2015 at 10:09 • Filed to: None

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Sometimes I wish my life was as simple and fulfilling as Ralph’s. For those that care to know what happened, read below.

Started dating last September and it was great. It was her first relationship, so I knew it would take some time for her to catch on. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt, but everything was still great and I enjoyed her immensely. We were great together. Then, in November she decided that she would be studying abroad in Australia. I worried because I didn’t think the relationship was far enough along for us to survive her trip. But, we persisted and built up a strong relationship in 4.5 months. We both agreed that we would stay together and make it work, even though we both knew she wasn’t good with communication and showing emotions.

She leaves, and it’s really rough for me. I miss her more that anything. She became a part of my life, but it didn’t seem the same for her. I felt unimportant and ignored. She was on vacation and couldn’t give a fuck. We talked, but not nearly as much as I wanted to, and this upset me. I complained about this and told her how much she meant to me. Still, no improvement. So, mid-June, we are so distant and annoyed with one another that we decide to take a break. I thought, ‘ok, let’s just take a break and make things work when you get back’. So, I tried as hard as I could to push away all the bad stuff and really start to figure out why I wanted to be with her. It was tough, but I stayed optimistic and really wanted to be with her, even though most of the problem was her fault. I’m too nice, and I know it.

So, FINALLY, after 5.5 months we meet. It was very awkward. Right off the bat she said she was annoyed with me and didn’t want to be with me right now. I didn’t know why she said that, but now I do. She’s childish and couldn’t say sorry. She was also spoiled her whole life and didn’t realize that I did everything I could for her, am I’m not here exaggerating that. I would’ve done anything for her. Additionally, I doubt she really cared about me, because if she did she would have given me a chance. She claimed that she has ‘changed’. Like I wouldn’t want to still be there for her and continue learning about her and growing together? What the fuck is her problem? If anyone should have broken up with anyone, I should have stopped dealing with her shit; But no, I’m the nice guy and I end up looking foolish.

After the breakup she still told me that I was a great guy, and so did her mother (I was the boyfriend that brought her mother flowers for Easter even though her daughter was 10,000 miles away). I don’t think anyone is happy with her decision, especially her mother and close friends. I’m close with her roommate and she said I was the best thing that ever happened to her and that she won’t find another guy like me ever again. Her loss, right? Just sucks that we have the same friend group.

Thank you for all of you that made it this far. Please comment so I can get over this more quickly.

Nibby > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:12

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Sorry about your breakup... just try to keep yourself busy or distract your mind with work, hobbies, playing games, whatever. Do what you love and what makes you happy, that will alleviate the post-breakup feelings.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:15

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So I can get over this more quickly.
More seriously, that sucks, but at least the bats in the belfry outed themselves before things got even more serious. I guess. Also, I think all guys aspire to Ralphism.

CalzoneGolem > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:17

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It really sounds like you’re better off without her. Break out your coping mechanism of choice and get over it and get on to the next thing.

EL_ULY > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:19

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you are good peeps dude, chin up. All in all it seemed like bad timing all around. I feel like i’m an expert in the whole long distance thing. It is the most difficult thing ever trust me. Girls want to explore and be able to live. She got her chance and it’s not your fault at all how things turned out. All the bickering was not genuine. I’m positive she feels bummed as well buddy trust me. At the end, I feel you are good peeps and please don’t fear that there isn’t anyone else like her. Now....RACECARS!

Svend > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:21

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It’s rough fella and I knowt it’s easier said than done to say try not to think too much about it and dwell in it. If you share the same friend group it’s harder but try to keep your chin up and not make it a thing between you, your friends and her. I’m not saying be blasé about it but try to keep things amicable and see what happens, she may realise what it is you mean to her and want to give it another go if your up to it and want to.

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:22

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you sound like my ex; and I sound like yours...

Sometimes, people just fall out love... It happens. You’ll heal, but it will be hard. That’s just the way life goes. Just don’t start hanging out with her friends out of spite for her. That would reek of desperations

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:23

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Don't beat yourself up over it. It's apparent that she didn't quite grasp the whole relationship thing, and she was just not considerate of your feelings. I think the distance probably made it worse because you were really hoping that it would work out and dwelling on it. Just be happy that you didn't invest more time into it, and chalk it up to a life/learning experience. Everything happens for a reason, and obviously she wasn't the one for you.

$kaycog > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:23

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Time is a great healer is such a cliche, but it’s so very true. Also, there is life after break ups. Hang in there.

iSureWilll > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:24

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Its difficult but on to the next one. Since you were her first boyfriend, and after the break, I think you saw this one coming a mile away but didn’t want to admit it. I’ve been in a similar spot.

Most importantly, this girl obviously didn’t treat you right. When you find a girl who treats you the way you should be, this one will be a distant and forgettable memory. Keep your chin up and like others have said, do things you love that bring joy to your life and keep busy.

Where have all the lightweights gone? > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:25

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You might feel like you derped not breaking things off, but that’s hindsight. You were loyal and fought until the end, and that’s more than most will do. Sooner or later, she’ll realize how much she screwed up and will want to try and get back. This song will serve you well when that time comes.

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:27

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Sorry to hear this dude......at least it’s over now and you can move on. If she can’t admit that she even had a part in this, it doesn’t sound like she is worth it in the end....all your expended energy, mental, physical, financial....it’s a shame to see it lost, but you’re not trapped anymore in that relationship. Breathe a deep breath and start walking forward again (or driving...this is Oppolopnik after all!) :)

scoob > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:29

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Sorry dude. Stay active, start a hobby, work out, etc. Don’t feel down too much.

Have an hour of consolation:

spanfucker retire bitch > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:30

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thebigbossyboss > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:32

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Man. My fiancee left me last year. I can tell you, at first it’s hard it’s really hard. But the best thing you can do is to put distance in between you and her.

It’s very hard at first because you want to be with her, but in the long run you will be happier, and it will help you get over the breakup faster. If you need anything thebigbossyboss at g to da mail.

Sam > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:33

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Long distance relationships have almost no chance of ever working out, unless the “long distance” is within a days’ drive. So you aren’t alone in that regard.

Also, can you please promise to the departed soul of Jules Bianchi that you WILL NOT TRY TO DATE HER AGAIN!!! (If I could italicize, bold, and underline on mobile, this would be underlined, italicized, and bolded) That is also a thing that never works.

Real talk, she’s a real bitch for dumping you. Her loss. It sounds like you had nothing to do with it and she’s just ridiculously immature.

thebigbossyboss > Where have all the lightweights gone? 07/23/2015 at 10:38

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This is an interesting song. Shortly after my fiancee kicked me out of the house I realized I could never go back to her. I am not at all attracted to her anymore.

Moves-Like-Senna > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:43

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First of all sorry you had to deal with that. Your story actually really resins with me as it’s near-identical to what happened with my last ex. I checked out of that relationship at the halfway marker (8 months in) due to the way she treated me (same as you but even worse and was a gold digger haha) but the point being, look, do you really want to be with someone like that? Does she deserve you? The answer is no. She’s not the prize Chuck, you are.

The hardest things I’ve learned in the past several months is that you should want to be with someone that wants to be with you and that respects you. You have to love and protect yourself first and it’s hard, I know. Chuck, I know it sucks right now but get out there, and keep busy. The right girl will come around and will treat you right. Time is the only thing that will heal wounds and cutting contact with her, her family and her friends is hard but something that will help.

If you need to talk let me know, things will get better.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:47

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While breakups always suck.....I’m gonna give you some hard advice from my own mistakes. You asked yourself why you wanted to be in this relationship.....did you ask her? Maybe she has different wants and needs. You then go and say that you know why she didn’t want to see you right away - she’s childish.....

This is a lesson that took me some bad arguments to learn. Listen up - DONT GO INTO THIS ASSUASSUMING IT IS ONLY HER FAULT!!! It is very likely on both of you. No offense, but maybe you cane off too intense for her liking? Maybe she didn’t talk to you because she felt you would just try to appease her instead of being honest? I am only speculating as I was not a participant in your talks but if this is the mindset you carry going forward, you might run into the same problem again down the road.

Good luck in the future. Hope this helps you grow and learn

WesBarton89 - The Way to Santa Fe > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 10:55

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Good god man, I’m sorry.

I’m only 26, and have only been in a handful of relationships. My current one with my fiancee has lasted almost 5 years now. Let me tell you something. The longer a relationship lasts, the harder it can get. We’ve been close to the edge several times, and it’s so tough, and I’ve thought about calling it quits with her more than once before, and the same on her side, but we’ve worked through it.

I know this may sound insensitive, but you’re lucky that you’re out of it this soon. If she wasn’t fully invested at this point, she never would have been. Relationships are the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but when you find the right person, it is all worth it. You’ll find that right person. For the time being, avoid drowning your sorrows, blowing a ton of money, or whatever. Go out with some of your friends, get your mind off of her, and move on. I’m going to hazard a guess and say that when she decided to study abroad, she’d already had her mind made up at that point, which really really really sucks. But you’ll be okay. You’re better than her, from what it sounds like, and she made a big screw up. Giving her mom flowers on Easter was a wonderful gesture, and what girl wouldn’t be touched by that?

You’ll be okay, I promise, and this will just be a small part of your past. I had relationships that I thought would last a long time, that didn’t, and I thought I’d never get over some of them, but you know, I did, and I didn’t even have a 2002 to help me through it. You do. It’ll be all good.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > CalzoneGolem 07/23/2015 at 11:04

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Yah, I’m not taking it too hard, I was just blindsided by doing what I thought was the right thing to do. She doesn’t deserve me, and right now I just need to think with the right head.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > EL_ULY 07/23/2015 at 11:07

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She became way to invested in her time away and tried to reinvent herself. She just left everything behind. Now she has to face reality, and sadly being with me was just too much work for her. She might feel bummed, but she said she lost feelings for me and wanted to break up 3 months ago. Glad I was informed, especially when we both agreed a month ago that we would both be optimistic. Sorry if I’m ranting. She’s a nice girl, but shouldn’t be in a relationship.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > Svend 07/23/2015 at 11:08

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I hope I won’t be stupid enough to fall for her. But, she was never one for showing effort, so I doubt her attempt would be very successful.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman 07/23/2015 at 11:09

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That’s the hard part. Some of my best friends are also hers. Whatever happens, happens.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > iSureWilll 07/23/2015 at 11:10

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You’re 100% correct. I just didn’t want to realize things. and, most of us are guilty for doing that in relationships. I looked past a lot of stuff because I still saw potential and all the good. Silly me.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > Where have all the lightweights gone? 07/23/2015 at 11:11

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That will be for later, and I know she’ll regret her decesion. Right now, this is more my jam (along with some Dr. Dre)

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars 07/23/2015 at 11:12

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Definitely driving!!!!

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > thebigbossyboss 07/23/2015 at 11:13

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Thanks man. I think I’m taking it pretty well. Hell, her roommate (one of her best friends, too) told me it’s best if I move on because she’s not worth it.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > Sam 07/23/2015 at 11:15

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I’d really like to and I don’t think I will. But, it wouldn’t be the first time. IF I DID, she would really have to prove to me that she understands what I want and has made some changes. I saw so much in her, and she just needs to grow up. I’m not going to wait, but if things present themselves at the right time. . .

iSureWilll > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 11:18

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We are all silly like that sometimes.

I went back to a girl that cheated on me, only to be cheated on again so I finally cut the cord and 2 years later I found a truly wonderful girl and have now been her with for over 4 years.

You'll get yours.

CalzoneGolem > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 11:18

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That’s a good attitude to have.

Rico > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 11:22

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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand this is why this was her first relationship this late in the game (unless you are wayyyyy younger than I am assuming). Listen nobody is going to get it right the first time, a first relationship she’s still learning about herself and the fact that it jumped to a long distance relationship so soon likely made it more difficult. Without being mean, the odds were against you from the start you’ve got to find someone who’s been in a relationship, has learned from his/her mistakes and has the maturity to be in a real relationship.

My first few relationships were not the best but I learned a hell of a lot about women, how to deal with certain issues, arguments and when to walk away when it has become obvious that the 2 people are not on the same page. My current relationship has been the best one thus far in part because I’ve learned so much over the years being in relationships, single, FWBs etc.

EL_ULY > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 11:25

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Yup, that is a classic girl tactic. They start finding little random things to grow into enough to justify a break up (usually leaves a guy saying really? ) Sucks more if the guy was legitimately an honest/good person. Never forget that all girls are smart and have their mind set for the future. They will literally leave it all for life and adventure. It’s normal. Unfortunately, we’ll get very emotionally involved with them to the point where we can’t cope with it. It makes us feel like telling them not to go and feel it’ll be a mistake if they left. We can’t be selfish despite that it feels like your heart got ran over by a car. Heck, we still feel compelled to take them back if things drastically change overnight. It really is stressful man and us telling you on OPPO, “ oh dude don’t worry, it’s all good, walk it off ” is honestly not 100% pain relief. My advise is to bite your tongue and continue to be friends with this girl. Support her in the few times you have contact with her. Just be friendly. 2 outcomes are to follow. If communicating intensifies when she gets to that “man, I really miss home” phase, you’ll be there for her (pending you don’t find someone else). If communication just slowly fades away in the wind, it’s all good as well.

now, more VROOOOM, BRAAAAP!

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 11:36

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I’m in the same boat as you. She was so desperate for friends that she keeps hitting up mine

Just last weekend I went camping with my friends and she asked them if she should come. They told her no.

I’ve distanced myself from her and her friends

Tohru > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 11:37

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I know those feelings, bro. My girlfriend dumped me because I was “too busy” for her... When I was at a car show 20 miles from her house that I had repeatedly invited her to, test-driving the Elio.

Martin Pustinqx > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 11:39

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Weeeeell, it might sound harsh, but F her! Which you probably did :)... Sorry man, couldn’t resist. Otherwise, when I am in hard situation, there are 2 questions I ask myself - am I alive - yes, am I healthy - yes... Then everything is ok, things will straight up somehow, someday... Just my 2 cents.

CB > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 12:15

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That sucks, man. Here’s hoping you find a better gal for you.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 12:35

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Sorry to hear about your breakup. You said it was her first relationship, was it your first as well? First relationships are always tough - I was going to regale you with stories of my first relationship (it was also hers) which played out eerily similarly to yours, but over the period of a 3 years. It even included international travel on her end, I got along well with her family even while she was gone, etc.

But I’ll save you, I don’t want to seem like a pissing contest. What I will tell you are a few lessons I learned, but I handled my breakup with epic levels of douchebaggery.

Don’t be a douche bag like I was - Don’t badmouth her to your mutual friends, don’t drunk call her, don’t post shit on Facebook about her or anything. Well, I’m assuming the last part, FB was in it’s infancy at the time.

Cut contact with her family - I got to be pretty good friends with her brother but after the breakup we hung out less and less and things got to the point of being pretty tense. I’m not saying be an ass, like where if you see them in public you run from them and hide. You can stop and say “hi.” Just don’t be the one making contact.

Limit your exposure - you said you and her have a lot of mutual friends, including her roommate. Going back to the above, I’m not suggesting you cut everyone out of your life completely, just limit your exposure, especially to events where she’s likely to be present. And when you do talk to mutual friends, try to limit conversation about her.

Don’t be an ass - going back to point one, seriously don’t be an ass. You’ll regret it later. It can feel cathartic at the time, but I wound up alienating some of our mutual friends. At the time, in my mind, it was a me vs. her thing, but in reality I just pissed a lot of people off.

So as the cliches go - time heals all wounds, plenty of fish in the sea, etc. It’s all true, it really is, but sometimes it’s hard to see that. I seriously loved my girl and went into a really bad depressive funk - I started drinking heavily, and stopped doing social things, especially talking to women. I didn’t date for 2 years after we split. But it made me who I am today - after a while I realized I was pissing my life away and has missed out on so much. So I just started forcing myself to do things, and eventually broke out of my rut. Now I’m kind of a crazy adventure guy, all because I realized how much life I was missing out on, and discovered so many things I like to do. And I think that’s the most important part - use this as a learning experience. Clearly you learned some things about her, and hopefully a bit about yourself. Just don’t take 2 years to realize it like I did.

So stay busy, do stuff you enjoy, do new things to get your mind off her, and find a better way forward in life. And most importantly, listen to some metal - it helps.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > EL_ULY 07/23/2015 at 12:38

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As much as it hurt, I knew I had to let her live her life. So, I became happy for her that she was going to do everything she always wanted to. I just thought she would realize what that actually meant. I’ll probably still communicate with her. I did date her for more than one reason. I really like her as a person. I don’t want to wait for her or be optimistic, but a bunch of people are telling me that they don’t think it’s actually over.

EL_ULY > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 12:45

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Seems right. I know we’d all like them to pick up on our emotions just like they expect us to know that they went to the hair salon and got half an inch put lol. If for some reason you both end up together, trust me, it will be in a way that you can’t possibly predict or have a hand in creating. Continue to be Chuck, and continue to be rad. It worked once before right? Work or study hard, focus on you, and take any emotions out on cars! Final BRAAAP!!!

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 12:57

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When my GF of 3+ years broke with me after she went to college (in the same town, I mean are you kidding me? You want to “experience college”?) I was pretty broke up, but if I had stayed with her I wouldn’t have met the amazing woman I married. Granted we haven’t been married long, but I am so much happier and more fulfilled with her than I ever was with my ex.

JGrabowMSt > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 13:02

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I’ve been there, really really. Got dumped, not the same play by play or turn of events, but nothing far off. Sucks, but you know what, you deserve to be happy too. Go find someone that makes you happy.

Best I can say. When it happened to me, it was nearly two years in, so consider yourself lucky not to be that invested. When relationships become a pretty decent fraction of your time on the planet, that’s funky to lose them. I’ve never had a short relationship, so I don’t know what flings are like, I don’t know what it’s like to be with someone for a couple of weeks or a few months, I only know years. Always sucks, but if anything, that first breakup (not my first breakup, but first really harsh breakup, it taught me that at times I really do need to be selfish, and if I’m not happy, I have to say so. Things either will or wont change, but I can’t spend life waiting to be happy.

You’ll get there. Hop in the car, go for a drive, take some gorgeous photos of it, and be a little spontaneous. You never know what you’ll find along the way. Most importantly, don’t forget who you are. And, if you enjoyed her parents company, just remember, people are not package deals. My girlfriend went away for a week, and almost every day I went over and spent a few hours having dinner, talking and watching TV with my girlfriends parents. I did it with previous relationships as well, so it was not a foreign idea to me. It’s just polite and to be honest, does mean a lot to the parents when you can hang out with the family as a whole.

Manny05x > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 13:09

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Maybe breaking up with her is the best thing that happened to you.

XJDano > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 07/23/2015 at 16:03

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Not much to say.

Bitches be trippin’

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > WesBarton89 - The Way to Santa Fe 07/23/2015 at 17:44

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Thanks so much for the great message. At this point I just feel bad for her because she’s making such a dumb decision. I still care about her, but she’s going to think whatever she wants to think, and that’s fine. She’ll hopefully learn. Trust me, I did everything for her. Kept it romantic, surprising, always gave her little notes. SMH, she’s has no clue.

Well, time to spoil my 02 instead.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > Rico 07/23/2015 at 18:02

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I’m 20. So, yah, she should have maybe had a relationship before. I wish she did. I shouldn’t have been so excited to be in a relationship.